Why I should just shut my mouth

talking-1239092Right out of the gate and I’m struggling with one of my goals ( ok it’s a resolutions) for 2016. Only five days into the new year and I’m discovering why I really needed this goal.

It is the goal about not gossiping. I had no idea that of all the goals I listed in 2015 this one would be a problem from the get go. Let me begin at the beginning.

Yesterday, in a phone conversation with a family member they immediately start talking about the habits and behaviors of a family friend. To be honest, I have never really liked this person all that much and felt they were rude and pissy (sorry, I can’t really find any other word that fit as well.) Over the past month however, I have noticed this person has made a effort to be more personable, outgoing and pleasant.

That is when I recognized the gossip monster rearing its ugly head. I stopped and thought before responding. I realized that, although my interaction with the person were generally miserable, did I have the right to tear them down? I admitted they were trying to change and decided I would not be a part of the “magpieing.” (Yes another made up word.) That my family was perpetrating against them. I would respect the commitment I had made to not gossip and refuse engage in tearing this person down. A victory over the gossip monster. Yay me!

However, today the gossip monster is back and well… it is me. I’m ashamed to admit it but it is burning a hole in my brain. I want so badly to call out the actions of an individual. I want so badly to go into a back room and blurt out all my feelings towards this individual (not to them of course, but to some other poor soul held hostage in the room by me.)

I always believed my gossip was really just pointing out wrong doing. That there was some justice in it. I always told myself, “well, it just needs to be said.” What this goal has taught me today was that it doesn’t always need to be said. If it does, I don’t necessarily have to be the one to say it. SGossip-3omeone’s actions might bug the heck out of me, but unless I am in a position to create positive change, my words are just…well, bitching.

The gossip is just tearing the other person down so I can feel better. More righteous, more secure. Everyone has their own story, their own reasons, most of which we only see a portion of. I came to realize today, with shame, that I am the gossip. I am not righteous or justified. I’m just being a gossip. Gossip helps noone, including the gossiper. The rehashing of a wrong doing only recreates the bad feelings. It only exaggerates the story, creating more drama. It creates nothing positive. Even though it is a struggle to admit I am the problem, I’m so glad for this goal and this lesson today.

11 thoughts on “Why I should just shut my mouth

  1. That is a very honest post. What you say about gossip is so true. It is hard to hold back sometimes but any satisfaction in saying it is very short lived and quickly turns to a negative within me. Thanks so much for bringing this wisdom to the Blogger’s Pit Stop
    Kathleen

    1. I was thinking about what had driven me to gossip in the first place and it uncovered more emotions then I realized. Thank you as always for the chance to share. Really love the community and environment you have created on your blog. The blogger’s pit stop is one of my favorite places to go. Always learn something new there.

  2. I relate to this post completely. I hate gossip and hate that it is such an insidious monster that it just creeps up on you. So many times I’ve cut myself off mid-sentence, realizing that the words coming out of my mouth were veering toward being gossipy. Makes me wonder why we have to work /so darn hard/ sometimes to be nice, when inside, we really /do/ want to be nice! #PitStop

    1. That is a perfect way of saying it an insidious monster. It kind of finds a way in and you don’t even realize it. So glad you can relate I really appreciate the support

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