The Mall, Memories and Rain

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Yesterday was another travel day. We drove through the remainder of upstate NY. To arrive in Long Island. All in all not as bad as I expected. Once I arrived to visit my sister a strange thing started to occur. I realized  the areas that were once familiar to me had changed, not like a new paint color change. Like a full on unrecognizable to me, change. It was as if everything I knew growing up was gone.

I know some of this is related to the destruction of super storm Sandy which caused a massive rebuild, but some of it is just the passage of time. It has been almost 10 years since I have been here. I am 40 now the last time I was here I had no children and had just turned 30.

Since it was pouring rain and windy we drove past my old house. No, really we drove right past it. It looked nothing like I remembered. As a matter of fact, the whole block, looked nothing at all like I remembered. The trees, the elementary school totally different. All the houses were bigger, pushed out farther to the street. Don’t get  me wrong they were beautiful, but my block no longer felt like my block. It just felt weird.

We also took a drive over to the mall I spent my teen years working at. It was renamed and redone into a shadow of its former self. It was nice but it’s as if some had come along and wiped away my memories from there walls. The only thing that remained was Quick Test, where I had my first real job giving surveys to unsuspecting shoppers.

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It was a strange day for me full of memories, discomfort and rain. I’m glad we are here but a little sad I guess. This is what they mean in you can’t go home again. I think this is what I was afraid of, this is what I didn’t want to face. If I stayed away it all remained the same in my head. In my head my house looks as it always did, the Mall never changed and my Dad is still alive. But that’s just it isn’t it. Change has happened whether I like it or not. I’m a mom now, with a house and life of my own and all that I’m looking at here…they are just memories. Time for me to go make new ones.

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