Stepping foot back in a classroom I realized how incredibly unprepared I am. The email said bring your laptop why didn’t I bring it? I feel like I stickout like a toddler at an R rated movie. What am I doing here? I’m not a business owner. I’m not a student. I’m a mom. I don’t belong here, I say to myself. I’m ready to jump out of my skin with my own discomfort. When did this happen to me? When did I get so full of fear? I use to feel in command of myself. Now I feel like I’m the lone mommy in a sea of preppy co-eds. Lame, out of place. What am I doing?
I’m challenging myself. I’m making myself uncomfortable. I’m growing. This is what I promised I would do. This is what I know I need. So here I go face first. Lame flowered pencil (no laptop) held high, into “adult” learning.
Update**** It was a funny turn of events during that class. There were so many people trying to log on at once that the site crashed and no one could use their computer. Unfortunaly, it took several hours of people have problem after problem before this was discovered. It was also infuriating to watch people repeatedly stop the entire class because they failed to follow directions. I sat there patiently with my pen and paper. Eventually, I had to take out a book to make better use of my time as the instructors scurried all over the room addressing various problem.
Once the class got underway, I felt conforted looking around at several people with traditional paper and pen. I also felt that my earlier trepidation was a sign that I should have been less concerned with what others thought of me. I should have been more concerned with what I would get out of this class.
The real lesson that day was most of our fears end up much less scary then we imagine them to be. So get out of your head and get out of your own way. Do what you are afraid to do.