Having a day off of making dinner, cleaning the house, driving to baseball, doing laundry and the regular household routine, gave me time to think. It gave me a moment to reflect on things in my life and things I have been missing. Here are some things I learned about myself.
- If it were up to me I would watch no TV. On a typical night my husband will flip on whatever the newest as how is and I will dutifully sit beside him and watch. However, it never really occupied to me that I could care less we what we watched. It was the act of sitting beside him that I enjoyed. I discover that I had no desire to turn on the TV when I was by myself.
- I missed having time to getting ready in the morning. Doing my hair and putting on make up. Most mornings, I barely make it through a shower before the kids are at the door asking for something or needing some help of some sort. I love them and I love to help them, but this has always left me rushing to get myself ready and neglecting myself in the process. This process leaves my hair only partially dried, thrown into a bun and the makeup left on the counter unused. In addition I am usually scrambling to get clothes on before I have to get in the car and battle traffic. Not a great way to start the day. Unprepared and rushed.
- I forgot to eat. For years food has been my comfort. My reward. My friend. While I was away I did things I enjoyed and I didn’t want to stop to eat. Matter of fact, it wasn’t even an idea in my head until my stomach growled. Doing something for myself made me feel energized and full of life. Instead of bored, underappreciated and seeking comfort.
- I need quiet time. It was nice to have a moment where I was alone with my thoughts. When I was younger this would occur when I would go for long walks alone. Before I had children and a household to manage. I would think through things that bothered me. Reflect and process the my feelings. I didn’t even know I was missing this time until this weekend.
- I need to live my life for me in addition to others. I realized how I feel is just as important as how my family feels. I need to love myself in addition to loving them. Not constantly sacrificing my wants and needs for something they are not even asking me to do. I also have to realize that by trying to do it all I am handicapping my children. How will they ever grow up into self sufficient people if I continue to do everything for them. They will come to expect everyone to do everything for them and never experience the pride in accomplishing things for themselves. Likewise, I need to pull back. I need to stop trying to do it all and remember I don’t want to be the person who is always tired, frustrated and yelling. I don’t want to be someone who has unrealistic expectations that they are trying to achieved. I need to remember that it is ok to do something for myself every now and them. I am worth that.