This weekend I had a total Mommy Fail.
It was my daughter’s birthday party and one of her little friends was not being very nice to her. Apparently, this girl came into the party she was invited to, completely ignored my daughter and began talking to another friend.
Needless to say the party did not go as planned. Much of the food we ordered was brought out late or not at all. I was ill prepared to deal with the amount of kids that arrived. So I was a little on edge to start with. Well… here comes the bad part.
The little girl continued to ignore my daughter. I noticed she was not smiling or happy and I just assumed she was being moody and unappreciative. I took her to the bathroom and ask what was wrong. After asking her repeatedly, I lost patience and told her this would be the last birthday party she would have. I began to yell at her about her bad attitude and went off about how she was being ungrateful.
Soon after she talked to my husband and told him what had happened. I felt awful for her. I not only did her friend mistreat her. I yelled at her for it.Total mom fail. Granted I did not know what was transpiring, but if I had the patience to listen I would have found out and not blamed her.
I felt like the worst mom ever. The next morning I talked to my daughter about her “friend” and what it means to be a true friend. Then I apologized to her for my bad behavior. I was impatience and, in short, was not showing qualities of a good friend.
So what is there to do when you feel like you have failed as a mommy?
1) Realize you are human– We all make mistakes. Many women have this idea of the new age June Cleaver, Pinterest mommy that does it all, crafts, cooking, building a baby to a crescendo of perfection in a child. Well, that is fantasy. Call it a social media contrived fantasy, but it is just fantasy. We are human with our own faults, fobals and screwed up feelings. Realizing you are not perfect is a start.
2) Acknowledge your actions– I think it is important to for our kids to know that we might be mom, but we sometimes make mistakes, yell or do things wrong. We need to acknoledge our actions and that they might have hurt our children. We need to reaffirm to them that, just like everyone else, we make mistakes. By achnowledging our actions our children can learn a valuable lesson in personal responsibility.
3) Ask for forgiveness– Yes, ask for forgiveness from your children. It is important for our children to know that their feelings matter. If we are the source of thier hurt, by our mistake, we need to show we are truly sorry. They are kids, but they are important to us and by asking for forgiveness we are teaching them how important. What they think and how they feel matters and has value to us. We should show them me are truly sorry we have wronged someone we deeply care about. By modeling this example it will help to develop compassion, understanding and forgiven that they will need later in life.
That party was not only a lesson for her in choosing true friends. It was a lesson to me. In order to be a better mother I need to listen to my children. I need to not get caught up in the distractions. To not worry so much about what strangers thought of me and if they were eating.