This morning my heart broke.
I wanted not to rush. Just for one morning not to speed along a conversation with my children. So, I took some extra time to talk with them and I loved it.
Mornings in my house are a coordinated dance. Each part must move on time to get the whole body in-line and out the door before the clock strikes 7:00 am. This morning I messed up that dance. By doing the harmless act of taking extra time to talk with my children, I set our morning routine back. This caused a cascading effect of putting me late to get ready, late to get out the door and late in getting some many other things done.
Not having lunches made. Needing to get gas in the car. Stopping at the bank. The snowball effect of a few extra minutes spent talking to my kids created mass chaos and ultimately resulted in tardiness.
I think to myself, is this worth it?
I know there are trade offs to staying at home vs. working. I know we would miss out on other things like being able to afford vacations. We would have more credit card debt and added financial stress. But some days, like today, I think I would like to trade stresses so I could be the mom I want to be instead of this frantic rushing mom. The failure mom I feel like today.
I want to see them grow up and talk with them at length without a time limit.
I want to have a clean house, do crafts, play. The life of a working mom only allows for this in the “fringe” hours. If your job is rewarding or you have no commute maybe it can work better but lately I feel pulled in two directions. My heart is at home. So I wonder is being a working mom really worth it?
This is kind of a rambling post, I was just feeling this today. Sorry if it seems overly emotional but it is a question I struggle with daily and some days it hits me particularly hard.
What are your thoughts? Is this a question that you have a hard time or have experience in? How did you and your spouse deal with this choice? If you are planning on having children how are you approaching this issue?
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